Do you have negative feelings about money? Have you ever considered how your childhood has influenced your spending habits as an adult? Many people recognize that their habits and decision-making are shaped early on by their parents, but they fail to see the connection to their financial decisions.
There was a time when I believed that my lack of financial abundance was due to a lack of knowledge. However, the more I researched, the more I realized that it wasn’t the case. Financial decisions are deeply intertwined with emotions.
Try this exercise: close your eyes and imagine having a lot of money. Now envision your body taking the form of that money. Open your eyes. What position is your body in? Are you curled up in a fetal position? Are you clenching your jaw? Did you stop breathing during the exercise? Or are your arms outstretched and wide?
When I recognized how much emotions were holding me back financially, I made the decision to delve deeply into the subconscious limitations I had imposed on myself.
What were some of the beliefs and values about money that you inherited from your immediate family? What about from childhood friends?
While growing up, my immigrant parents did everything they could to provide me with the resources for success. Nevertheless, phrases like “That’s too expensive,” “We don’t have enough,” and “I don’t earn enough for what I do” became ingrained in my story.
When you take a moment to reflect on how you handle money in different situations, you may notice recurring patterns. Here are some examples of behaviors rooted in trauma, although it is not an exhaustive list:
- People-pleasing to ensure safety
- Overspending for external validation
- Weak boundaries, leading to risky credit card usage and loans
- Fear of abandonment, prioritizing the comfort of others over one’s own
- Underinvestment in basic necessities due to scarcity mindset
- Hoarding money
- Fear of taking investment risks
- Avoiding conversations about money out of embarrassment or fear of judgment
- Committing to long-term financial obligations beyond affordability, in the hope of becoming more responsible
- Underearning, resulting in excessive debt burdens
Did any of these examples resonate with you?
In my early twenties, I spent my student loans carelessly. I fell into the trap of trying to impress and keep up with my peers by purchasing trendy outfits, going on expensive trips, and renting a place I couldn’t truly afford. I had no understanding of compounding interest, and I vastly underestimated the time it would take to pay off my debts. In the end, I accumulated nearly $40,000 in student and credit card debt, which took me seven years to fully repay.
During that time fear guided my choices. My self-worth was deeply entwined with the purchases I made.
Think back to a time when you bought something beyond your means. How did you justify the purchase? What did it signify to you? It’s likely that your intuition was warning you that the purchase wasn’t aligned with your circumstances.
For me, I felt it in my stomach. Whenever I made purchases beyond my means, a small knot would form in my gut. I knew I should say no, but I would suppress that feeling with excuses like “I’ll figure it out later” or “If I decline this offer, I’ll have no friends” or “If I admit I’m broke, I won’t be loved.”
Where in your body do you feel stress related to financial decisions? Is it a tightness in your chest? A constriction in your throat?
Remember, your net worth doesn’t determine your self-worth. Did you have to earn your inherent self-worth when you were born? Start the healing process by acknowledging the parts of you that are scared. Recognize your own trauma and fear-based thinking, and commit to working on it.
What are you afraid of? Is it a lack of qualifications? If so, how can you shift your mindset about your capabilities? Instead of believing you can’t do something, ask yourself how you can.
Perhaps you believe there are no opportunities or a scarcity of them. Challenge yourself to ask different questions.
What opportunities can you create for yourself? How can you generate multiple streams of income? What are some ways others in your community have overcome debt?
Maybe you view money as evil. Is money truly evil? Do you believe that everyone with a lot of money is evil? Examine the origins of these beliefs. Hopefully, you can come up with numerous examples of philanthropists who have used their wealth for good causes. What if you reframed money as a vehicle for goodwill?
You don’t have to embark on this financial journey alone. Consider seeking support from a therapist, life coach, or financial planner.
Like everything else in life, financial success comes from creating a strategy of small, consistent habits practiced day by day. If you have ever learned a skill, started an exercise routine, or studied for a test, you know that it is the accumulation of those small habits over time that yields results. Think about brushing your teeth. A cavity doesn’t result from missing one day of brushing but from consistently neglecting your dental hygiene.
Perhaps your first step could be reevaluating your boundaries with money. Consider paying yourself first before paying others. Invest in cultivating a healthy relationship with money. You might be surprised at how this positively impacts your other relationships in life.
